That Deep Hole

Have you ever been in that place where stress levels are too high, finding a new home is like wading through sludge, where breathing gets forgotten, where supporting yourself and following your dreams. Feels like it’s about to strangle you. where the big stick comes out and you start beating yourself up, where your trying to hold hope and positiveness, as you know this is the vibration you need to hold to attract the right things in life, where you have had a headache for days, that sits there not going away, but mildly beating a drum that you want to scream at it to fuck off. Where you want to cry but you can’t let go. where your creativity seems to have disappeared. Tired of giving. Where your body is not working right. Where you feel you are going to fly apart. Wanting to be held and told it’s going to be alright- that intimate touch you haven’t felt in a while. Where your Crone hood has a mind of its own, and you never know when moontime is or when a hot flush is going to strike. Where you know your gage is running on empty and you just want to run. Where you have just had enough. I am reminded I am human, that I have limits, that not everyone will honour you or respect you, that some people have motives behind their actions, that life pushes you hard and somewhere in the middle of all this crap there is a light-YOU. And reminding yourself that you are the light, and amazing person is a struggle when you feel up to your neck in shit. Where you miss a bestie and his solid advice but know he is at your side, whispering, you have got this, you have been through harder times. You are still here. He is my beacon to remember my light, and my reminder to breathe, that I’ve got this and it’s just a moment in my madness that will balance out.