Anger is a spiritual baseball bat

Have you every felt like you are going around in circles. spirit seems to be leading you by the nose. And you know something has to change as the vertigo isn't going away and now the headaches have started. I have pushed my body so hard in the last year that it really isn't liking me much at the mo. I feel like the full moon has brought a revelation into myself-looking at what I create in my life, what is working, what isn't and how peoples energy can really effect your work. The dreams of dreaming still sit strong, and knowing what I want to accomplish is there as my drive. I am totally grateful for all that has happened for me her in the East Coast, life has delivered some amazing opportunities. It has also shown me that even some so called spiritual people are working at such a low vibration, in fear and in dishonest as I found out at my last spiritual fair. My anger came to the boil, my imaginary baseball bat came forward and my energy just wanted to strike out. But I talked to the organisers in calmness but in truth. But with the realisation I will do their next fair I've committed to but that will be it. People have forgotten we attract people who want to come to us because of vibration, we all have something different to offer, its not a competition. I have realise fuck me off, I'm not the best at letting go. Also I need to stop letting people wind me up, and find that peace within the anger. I realise the Universe is listening deeply our actions and words are being watched and heard. But I struggle with the bullshit that comes up in these spiritual markets but also in the normal markets I do. I have met some amazing people and made beautiful friendships and wouldn't have met them without doing these markets but grow tired of ego,money hungry, gossip, backstabbing and all the games that seem to crop up within some of these fairs. would have to say fuck is my fav word at the mo and every now and then the c#%t word crops up. And my energy baseball bat comes out and I want to smash everything to pieces. So much breathing and calmness gets brought in to this hot head Arian. I have worked through so much shit. I've unpacked the depths of me, and found so much peace with my past and now. It gave me huge clarity. I know my next journey will be around my anger. Not letting these arse's set it off, finding calmness in the storm when all I want to do is rage. Its funny I sit with these moments of my madness, and own myself, Im far from perfect but what is perfect? We seem to go about life looking for the perfect home, perfect mate, perfect life. We listen to other peoples tales about people and make judgements up without giving people time to see truth through own eyes. Like the chinese whispers. The last year I have been all work and no play, having friends come across gifted me my first weekend off in 6 months, their company, the bush, was nectar for my soul. Watching friends enjoying new men coming into their lives and the enjoyment they get from it, the little sparks and the beautiful smiles of their hearts lighting up.It raised a loneliness within me, the missing of a partner-someone to laugh with, someone to hold me and tell me its going to be alright, someone to do things with and yes someone to make love with. I know this will happen when the time is right, but I'm human and these emotions crop up on occasion. Being honest with self is a huge reflection its like popping a pimple and getting rid of all the pus within. I miss my brothers from other mothers, they always made up for the no man, as the gifted me so much in presence. I have met beautiful men here, even a couple really caught my eye, and now I practice honesty and tell them. Having no expectations in return, and I'm happy with that, because life is to short and your a long time dead.

I relish in the person I am, my heart is in the right place, I give a dam but I'm not a fool, I don't play games and honesty is something I relish and totally believe in. So today I will ground in the garden and work out my game plan, and hear spirit deeply. At times I don't know where these ramblings are going, but sometimes airing it helps me and may help others. Go light your way in truth, honesty and love. Arohanui