Memories

This morning has been one of tears and gratitude. Gratitude for coming full circle, as I wander around the house butt naked, cos I can, no neighbours, only the birds and animals to scare. That I've come home to the country, which my soul had yearn for years, the memories of growing up on farms and farmlets, Rodeo circuit was part of my early years life, hard, emotional years or a child who was forever playing in a adults world. Some old feelings have surfaced in the last few days, reminding me, old woundings. Also the contrast of going from Rodeo/farm girl to bikie's and riding a different type of horse-one with 2 wheels, another learning and growing, one I have no regrets, just more understanding. And because of this lifestyle I met someone, who remains deep in my heart, never forgotten. As its his anniversary of passing in a few days, also the birth date of my son, who also walks in spirit with me. There have been many things happen in my life over the years, that broke me at times, but made me get up stronger, and realise it takes allot to break this woman. But I built walls around my heart, fortified them and even with relationships with men over the years, I never totally let them in. I've spent years breaking those walls down, healing the woundings and seeing the growth of my past has given me. And how all my past, has brought me to where I am now. Since moving to this property, I have heard a bird calling, same call as a Tui back home, I am yet to sight this bird, every morning, he calls out his song, including this morning, I also realised this is the song I whistle to my Rainbows, that they call back to me, so the bird has mimic the Tui medicine, for me, its healing song that comes to me when home, has found me on this land. Healing old sadness that only comes on occassion. Reminding me to keep trusting, Universe has this, Huntsmans keep coming to me, reminding me of the creativity I need to be doing, reminded that doors are opening for me, accepted into Enthegenesis Psychedelic Symposium as a stall holder, in Melbourne, yesterday. You see I hadnt heard, so didn't think I had been accepted, and then a magical email yesterday. The hard thing is there is a few talks I would like to be sitting in on as well as maning a stall. The bonus is my bestie will be there to, that is a happy dance for me. Yesterday we went and picked up Ollie, my flatmates horse and is energy is now linked into this property. Right now everything is talking, and you feel the lands energy rising up to meet me. Yesterday we went back for a hit Black Cockatoo, yellow tail, Grandfather medicine, she was dazed, went to grab her, but she could fly, but could see her leg was broken and hanging there, not grand but relief that she could fly, and get out of harms way, so I sent healing and protection. And gave gratitude to be within a metre of her and her energy, right where we found her, was a Paper Bark Tree, I pulled some from her, giving a silent thsnks, needing some to give a offering today to the land, and honouring the local mob here- Gubi Gubi which means no, this makes me laugh because there is a teaching there, that its alright to say no. This land has a very feminine presence to her, I feel her nurturing us, and later ill be in my workshop creating magic, I have a few tools on the go, but its 2 that come to mind that Im feeling the most-a tool of rebirth and a tool that is owl, this owl I found coming back from Laura Festival, she is special, and she is going to the right person. So much teaching right now, and finding peace within, trusting and letting go of all fears, but also a time of honouring those I have lost but never truely lost as they walk eternally with me. So I honour my tears, my grief and give gratitude to the beautiful Spirits who walk with me, I give thanks to my walls broken down and I give thanks to me for being human Aho